Encountering Your Shadow

 There have been over 259 wars since the year 1900 (https://war-memorial.net/wars_all.asp). Looking back they all seem unnecessary. If people would work out their differences in a rational way, we could avoid all this misery. But for all our good intentions something irrational takes people over collectively and individually and leads us to catastrophe. We have a dark side. Carl Jung calls it our Shadow.

We all think we know ourselves. We remember the experiences of our lives, how we have lived up to or not lived up to whatever ideals we hold.  But in all of us there is a secret part that we don’t know very well.  We idealize parts of ourselves and reject other parts and become unconscious of them. They become our shadow.

 No living part of us can die by simply being rejected any more than we can wish away our feet. These rejected parts of ourselves remain alive. How do we know that they are there? It is from the problems they cause, the emotions, reactions and behaviors that sneak around our guard make us wonder, “How could I have ever could have done that?”   We can learn to reclaim this shadow part of ourselves and find that it has gifts.

We were all born with an innate disposition. Some us are naturally quiet, some are active. We all have a specific degree of each human quality. It is what make us what is uniquely “us.” Our life experiences affect how those qualities are expressed. We are born into a certain society, a certain family. Certain evens happen to us. These favor or disfavor our inborn qualities and encourage us to express or repress them. 

In the end you become the person you know as “you.” This is the person you have tried to be according what you believe a good person is. You idealize certain qualities and strive to express them.  Different people idealize different qualities. Some idealize agreeableness, some competitiveness, some value daring, some caution and so on.

But whatever we choose there are opposite qualities that are left out. That is because to one degree or another we all possess all human qualities. And they go on living in us whether we like them or not. You may hate them or fear them but they continually try to express themselves. And this is not a bad thing. Because our ideal qualities often can’t do the job. We get too one sided. If we idealize aggressiveness we find that can’t step out of it when that’s needed. If we are too much into acceptance, we can’t step up to the plate when something needs to be done.

How do we get to know our Shadow Side and reconcile with it? There are many ways to do this, psychotherapy is one way. You can do self-analysis.  Expressive arts are another way. I find interpreting and working with dreams to be helpful. For example, I dreamed I was walking thru a dark parking garage deep underground. I turned a corner there was a horrible evil witch standing over a boiling pot on a raging fire. I was terrified and ran out of there as quickly as I could. The next morning, I realized the dream was especially significant. Nightmares are always a gift because you get in touch with what you are really afraid of.

I imagined myself back in the dream. I invited the “me” character in the dream to go with me and talk with the witch. I assured him that I wouldn’t allow him to be harmed. The witch turned out to be a very interesting character.  She was having such fun using her magic and casting spells. She looked just delighted to use her powers. And that was the secret, she was expressing the enjoyment of the using personal power.  You see my conscious self recoils from the exercise of personal power.  Because of experiences in my childhood I saw it as evil and dangerous. And yet the need to have it exercise it still exists in me. I suggested that the me character and the witch get to know one another better and learn to appreciate each other to have a more balanced approach to life.   

We all have a shadow side that we have rejected. But it is a part of us that cannot be lost and constantly strives to express itself despite our resistance. But we need not remain internally divided and at war with it. We can seek to encounter it, get to know it, and find creative ways to give it conscious expression that can enhance our lives.